I Know Him So Well
by mspolapotter
Summary: Times are changing, it's time to grow up and set some things aside. Inspired by I Know Him So Well from Chess the Musical


Back with a new oneshot! (When I should be doing my thesis or The Missing Link, at the very least)

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><p><em>I Know Him So Well<em>

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><p>You don't wake up one morning and decide that things have changed. It creeps up on you so slowly that when you notice it, it will already have been too late. Fear crawls underneath your skin until it reaches the depths of your thoughts. Anxiety follows you around until one day you finally notice it in your shadow. Darkness blends in with the clouds until it blocks out the sunlight. And once you start to notice everything, you'll start understanding things you always failed to understand, you'll start making decisions you never thought you'd make.<p>

Until today, I've always told myself that his is what he needed, what both of us needed. But today I realized that I've always been wrong.

Being the youngest and the only girl, I've almost always had it my way. I've always wanted far too much for far too long. Now is the perfect opportunity for me to show that I'm so much more than a spoiled brat.

It was too perfect that I could tell something needs to be wrong. Nothing that's too good lasts eternally. Even perfect situations must go wrong. All my life has been leading up to this moment, and I have to do everything I can to contribute, even if it just means letting him go.

The last few months have been simply amazing. And he was just the best person I could have asked for. This whole madness with him is one of the best things that happened to me. I hope he feels the same. Now is not the time to prioritize my feelings, now that so much is at stake.

Maybe if I hadn't let him chase me so much, I would have won at least a few more moments with him, more special memories. At least I managed to use that time to my advantage. Now that I know him so well, I am able to prepare myself for what is to come. One of these days, he's going to say it. We both now that he needs a little bit more than me. He needs his fantasy and freedom, and I'm going to give it to him by not beating him to the chase.

"_Ginny, could we talk for a while?"_

"_Yeah." He started to walk out, but I stayed rooted to the spot._

"_Aren't you coming?"_

"_No," I said. "Anything you have to say, you can say right here. Harry had no choice but to go straight to the point._

"_I'm sorry, Gin," he began "but we can't be together. We've got to stop seeing each other."_

"_It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?" I replied. I knew it. I absolutely knew it._

"_I just don't want you to get hurt." There was silence at this moment._

"_I never gave up you," I said, "not really. Hermione told me to get on with life, go out with a few people, relax a bit around you, because I was never able to talk when you were in the room before, remember? She thought you might take me seriously when I was . . . myself."_

"_Smart girl, that Hermione," Harry remarked. "I just wish I'd asked you sooner. We could've had months . . . even years."_

_I know. But you were too busy._

"_But you were too busy saving the Wizarding World," I decided to say out loud, suppressing a grin and half-laughing. "I knew this would happen in the end. I knew you wouldn't be happy until you're tracking down Voldemort. Maybe that's why I liked you so much. Maybe that's why you were my Chosen One." I could tell that Harry couldn't take it anymore. I decided this was it. I have to give this to him._

"_See you around, Harry," I said. I turned around and climbed back upstairs._

I know him so well.

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><p>I remember vividly that night Ron won his first Quidditch game in history. In fact, I remember it in great detail. Everyone was cheering, and then suddenly Lavender grabbed Ron and locked her lips with his. But that was all blurry. What I remembered was Harry, standing next to me, and staring at the other side of the room, where Ginny was. He looked at her like Lavender looked at Ron; hungry and wanting to do the same to her. In that moment, I decided to walk out. I would have felt better had I been left alone. But of course, Harry had to come to my rescue. He always does.<p>

I just wish he hadn't.

I think everyone knows the lengths both Ron and I would go to just for him. What they don't know is that I've been stupid enough to fall in love with him. Of course everyone would think I'd love Ron. It would make a perfect couple wouldn't it? Ginny and Harry, me and Ron.

From all the years I've spent with Harry, I've learned that nothing lasts forever, not even our friendship. No one person will be by your side your whole life. And yes, I still would do everything I can to help him, but that won't bring me any closer to him.

I guess I brought this upon myself. I got way too attached. Had I played my cards right and been a little less careless, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much as it did now.

It was a stupid decision to invest my feelings into something so improbable, but what was I going to do? You can't escape feelings; you can only hide them. I just wish I decided to get to know him more before I fell in love with him. I already knew what I was getting myself into. The only consolation I have now, is knowing that I knew him well.

This whole fantasy of loving him was just madness. Sadly, he just can't be mine. In the end, he's going to need someone more than me. He doesn't need this baggage. Both Ron and I need to be the people to tell him that he didn't have to go through this alone. No matter how much he insists that he didn't need to put anyone else in harm's way.

"_I've got to track him down," Harry said. "This is what Dumbledore wanted. We began this, and I will end it."_

"_We'll be there," Ron said._

"_What?"_

"_We're going with you. Wherever you're going."_

"_No—" In that moment I decided to shut him up by taking his hand._

"_You said to us once before," I began, "that there was time to turn around if we wanted to. We've had time, haven't we?"_

_He half-smiled and squeezed my hand._

I know him so well.


End file.
